Love versus statistics

The youngest couple I ever married were both 16 years old. Honestly, I was alarmed when they approached me as the statistics for teenage marriages do not make for cheerful reading. I tend not to offer marriage courses but with this couple I felt that some serious conversation was necessary.

When my suggestions of ‘finishing 6th form college first’ or just generally ‘waiting for a while’ failed to carry any weight, I went to see their families. I don’t know how the law stands now but in 1989 to marry under 18 required the permission of parents and guardians. The parents and guardians gave unqualified and enthusiastic consent! They were in love, their families were fully on board, so I agreed to marry them.

On the morning of the wedding, I got a phone call from the groom’s older brother. Again, against my standard advice (no surprises there), they had the stag do the night before the wedding. The groom had got drunk faster and deeper than any of the men in the family had expected and was not very well. They were doing their best to get him sober, but he really wasn’t very well.

There is a way of wearing a suit that looks as if you’ll pour out of it. The groom was conscious but otherwise limp and being held at the altar rail like a large floppy doll by his brother, who was also best man. The bride arrived appropriately late, looking fabulous and enjoying the attention. I broke it to her gently: “He’s a bit ill from the stag do but he’s here, he’s being very brave, holding himself together and it’s going to be fine ...” Then she saw him down the aisle. She was not happy.

The wedding went fine, in that the groom wasn’t sick during the service and the bride had forgiven him by the time the reception was underway.

When I left Salford, after christening their first baby, we kept in touch for a few years. All seemed to be going very well, in defiance of the statistics.

The moral is that love, when fully deployed, really can conquer statistics. It is the most powerful weapon in the human armoury: it forgives, reassures, includes, ennobles, inspires courage and lends beauty. Perhaps we should deploy it more often.

David Knight, Vicar of Fletching